Berserk Read online

  “You aren’t helping.”

  “Sure I did; you just don’t like what I have to say.”

  “Rogan,” I plead, “Has Venessa said anything that can help me here?”

  “She didn’t even know you two were married; she ain’t too pleased to be left in the dark on that one. Says girl code forbids it, whatever that means.”

  “I’m fucked.”

  “Pretty much.”

  She’s sleeping in. It’s rare she sleeps more than a few hours at a time, and even when she does she’s restless. Once she finally calmed I grabbed her phone and fished Bishop’s number out of it, followed by Duffy’s. Making my way downstairs, I put on a pot of coffee since without it she’s vicious, and make my first call Bishop.

  Walking out to the back porch I dial. it rings several times, and just as I’m getting ready to hang up he answers. “Had a feeling I’d be hearing from you,” he says.

  “How’d you know it was me?”

  “Area code for one; she gave me your number for two. You need something. What is it?”

  “Advice.”

  “Shoot.”

  “She’s worried about me meeting Duffy. Why?”

  “Because he’s an overbearing assfuck for one, he fucking loves her for two, and he didn’t know about you for three. Want me to keep going?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “I need to know.”

  “There’s a reason none of us are married or got kids; hazard of the job and shit, not wantin’ people to miss us. He knows she’s compromised now. That’s a problem, cuz with what we do feelings got no place. Her feelings for you is gonna be a problem. Yeah, she’s badass, but that don’t mean shit when there’s feelings there, and you’d be dumb not to believe that.”

  “I was going to call Duffy next.”

  “That would be really fucking dumb, my friend,” he says. “He takes orders from one person, and she ain’t you.”

  “I need to help,” I explain. “She was attacked outside my club again. Did she tell you that? Don’t tell me to sit on my fucking hands here. I can’t.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Give me something.”

  “Duffy’s already there,” he says. “Call him, set up a time to meet, and hope he don’t hate you.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then if you can still walk and talk after, call me back, cuz I wanna hear about it,” he says, then disconnects.

  Sneaking back upstairs, I see she’s still asleep. So heading back outside to where I was, I call Duffy, confident I can get this guy to see reason. I dial and it rings twice and when he picks up there’s silence.

  “Hello?”

  “This better be good,” he says.

  “Since you know who I am, I need to meet up with you, set some things straight.”

  “That right?”

  “I’ll text you the address. How much time do you need?”

  “Send me the fucking address,” he says, hanging up the phone. Taking a deep breath, I send him the club’s address, get in the car, and head over. This is my wife we’re talking about; not him or any other team members are getting in the way of what needs to be done.

  Once I disarm the alarm I throw a few lights on and head to my office. Turning the knob I throw on my overhead light and see him already sitting in my office chair. Jesus, she was right; he is one scary motherfucker.

  “You had no trouble finding the place, I see. Made yourself at home, even.”

  “Sit,” he orders me, and the thought of sitting in a chair that isn’t mine pisses me off. Pulling out a file he spreads it open and starts talking.

  “You married her when she was barely nineteen, been estranged since she was twenty. You run a nightclub funded by your father and allow him to run women, weapons, and drugs from it. She takes a job she has no business taking putting herself, her partner, and her team at risk, and yet you come here to meet me and what? Change my mind? Tell me you love her? Convince me you’re the victim here? Let me tell you something, Max,” he says, leaning forward sneering at me. “You have no fucking idea the lengths she’s gone to or the rules she’s broken to be here with you. She fucked up, so what is it that you want to tell me? Why shouldn’t I pull her out now? You mean dick to me. My job is to keep her safe, and here ain’t safe. This place is a war zone. You’re a casualty, and quite frankly you should go down with your father, because you’ve allowed him to threaten her, keep her from you, and now she’s in over her head. So I should allow her to compromise herself further for what… you?”

  “I want you to use me as bait,” I tell him, and when he nods I keep going. “She said in the beginning that’s what she would have done, but now she can’t. Use me, I’ll do whatever you want; I’ll help you destroy him. You want me to go down with him? Fine. But I want her out of it. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

  “That right?” he asks. “And you’d keep this from her? You’d keep this from your wife?”

  “Yes.”

  “You do this, you lose her,” he says. “You okay with that?”

  “I’ll have to be,” I offer. “He needs to pay. If the sins of the father are cast onto me, then fine. I’m being honest when I say I didn’t know, but I’ll let her go to keep her safe.”

  “You don’t get it,” he says. “She will not stand down; she risked her career for you. How will you keep her in check? Because let me tell you, I’ve yet to meet anyone who can do it.”

  “I can do it,” I tell him. “And I will.”

  “She’ll hate you.”

  “To hate me she’d have to be alive, and I’m good with that.”

  “All right then Max,” he says. “I’m meeting with her tomorrow, so until then, enjoy her while you can.”

  “My father,” I say. “How long?”

  “Based on her intel,” he says, “it’s why he gave you the club in the first place, she knew that. Had she not kept tabs on him all these years when we got word you’d have gone down, not him. How long depends on her. Not you, her.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah,” he says. “Your little wife has kept busy. Turns out keeping your ass safe has been a full-time job.”

  “How long have you known her?”

  “About five years now,” he says. “The day she showed up was the day I said I go where she goes, and here I am.”

  “I’m glad she has you,” I tell him truthfully. “All of you.”

  “Bishop says she’s happy now,” he says taking some of the hate for me out of his voice. “I hate to see her lose that smile, but ain’t no way around it. I’ve always wanted to see it, always imagined it was beautiful, but life’s a bitch.”

  “Then you die, right?”

  “In your case?” he says. “Probably.”

  “If I do this,” I start, “if I’m going to break every promise I’ve made to her, you and your team need to be there to see her through, and don’t ever tell her I lied. I can’t hurt her like that again.”

  “You already have, man,” he says. “You already have.”

  When he stands I notice he’s a lot larger standing then he was sitting. He slaps me on the back, opens the door, and disappears. I stay there myself a few minutes longer, then decide it’s time to take his advice and get back to my wife. Soon I’d have to break every promise I’ve ever made to her knowing this time she wouldn’t forgive me. Truth, I didn’t want her forgiveness because I wouldn’t be forgiving myself.

  “Sleep,” he says, kissing my jaw. “I called a cab to get me; you need your rest.”

  “No,” I say, reaching for him. “I’ll take you, just stay with me.”

  “Blue,” he whispers, closing his eyes. “Cab’s out front; I have to go.”

  “Max,” I beg him. “Please.”

  I clutch his pillow, watching him walk away. I don’t go back to sleep. Instead, I cry for hours, fully awake. I always take him to the airport. Was it just my being emotional, or was his leaving not nearly as difficult for him this time as it was for me?<
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  I woke up to him being gone and I panicked instantly. Calling him, it went to voicemail, but he did text me and said he went to grab us breakfast and that he was on his way back. Showering, dressing, and cleaning up, I was anxious to see him. Last night I had a rough time sleeping. Knowing I’m meeting with Duffy tomorrow and knowing that I have to betray Max’s trust weighed on me. I felt certain I could get Duffy to agree to put Max someplace safe until this was over. As much as this hurts I promised myself I’d enjoy him while I had him, because once this was over I knew he’d look at me differently. Calling Lina, I have to see if she’s made progress. Shit, by now she has to have something.

  When she answers, it’s with her usual charm. “What now?” she asks.

  “I need answers, got anything?” I ask.

  “Pretty sure I said I’d call you if I did.”

  “When you ran the department’s database, which I know you did, did anything come up?”

  “You do realize that by asking me to do this let alone actually doing it, which I did, you’re pitting me against the very people I work for, right?”

  “Yes,” I say. “I know.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re onto something, but now isn’t the time to discuss it. Before you cut me off and order me around I’ll let you know when the time is right, and you’ll know it when I show up.”

  “Is it as bad as I think it is?”

  “It’s worse.”

  “Can I protect Max?”

  “No.”

  “Can anyone protect Max?”

  “Not when you’re too busy stirring up trouble, Red,” she says. “I told you specifically not to let him in. Now when shit goes down he can’t say he didn’t know, because well, he does know.”

  “He’s my partner! What was I supposed to do?”

  “He’s not your partner; you just like thinking he is,” she says. “He isn’t ready for this any more than you’re ready to let him be a part of it. You brought him in too deep. Shit, you’re in too deep, and until I know more you need to fucking lay low.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “Then I can’t do much to help you.”

  “Bring me Gallo.”

  “He’s a ghost.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Focus on you, Red,” she warns. “There are too many variables here, and until I know more, you’re flying blind. You can’t handle another angle, so quit pushing for one.”

  When she disconnects I fight another moment of panic, then quickly push it back. I have no time for panic. When I hear the door open, I’m so happy he’s home that I rush down the stairs to greet him like a wife should. Kissing him on the mouth, he walks me into the kitchen and teases me with the carryout he grabbed from the Coney joint. I’m a sucker for greasy eggs and burnt hash browns, and he knows it.

  “Sleep well?” he asks, taking a seat at the table next to me.

  “I’m not much of a sleeper,” I tell him. “I woke up, and you were gone. I would have gone with you if you’d told me.”

  “I wanted you to rest,” he says. “What kind of training do we have on tap today?”

  “No training,” I tell him. “I was thinking we could stay in, relax, and watch movies or something.”

  “Or something,” He may have been smiling when he said it but I swear it was forced.

  Pulling me into his side, I watch him enjoy the movie while I keep watching my phone and the door. Once I am able to relax and actually get into the movie, it’s basically over. Not like it matters; I figured out who the bad guy was ten minutes in. Hazard of the job, I guess. Noticing he’s dozing, I make an effort to get up, but he stops me by pulling me back to his side. So instead of fighting it, I snuggled in.

  “Hey, Max…”

  “Hmm?”

  “Can you drop me at the hotel tomorrow so I can get my rental?”

  “If you need to go somewhere, I can take you,” he says, playing with my hair.

  “I need to grab it,” I explain. “I’m paying a lot fee, so I need to move it.”

  Stretching out he pulls me onto his lap. “I can have Cory swing by and get the keys and drop it off here.”

  “I need you to drop me so I can grab it,” I explain further. “Either you can, or you can’t.”

  “How about I won’t,” he says. “It’s fine where it is.”

  “Are you seriously telling me no right now?”

  “Yep.”

  “You can’t tell me no,” I say. “I need my car.”

  “This discussion is over,” he says. “Let’s get back to doing something else.”

  “When did you get so bossy?”

  “I’m not bossy, Blue,” he says. “I just don’t take orders from you.”

  “We’re partners,” I explain. “I outrank you, therefore when I give an order, you listen.”

  When he squeezes me my heart flutters “When it’s us the only one giving orders is me,” he says, cutting me off. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it, because you do. I’ll let you order me around when it counts, but now is not one of those times. We’ll get your car in the morning. Until then, it was your idea to relax, so that’s what we’ll do. Now be quiet, the movie’s starting.”

  “What are we watching now?”

  “Marley & Me,” he says “I hear it’s good.”

  “No!” I say, sitting up. “I can’t watch a movie about a dog.”

  “Why not?” he asks. “You’ve never even had a dog.”

  “I know, but dog movies always tear you apart, Max, always! Name one dog movie where a girl doesn’t cry.”

  “How would I know? The only girl I’ve ever watched movies with was you.”

  “I don’t want to cry!” I screech. “I’m an ugly crier. Pick something else, anything else, please!”

  “You’re serious.”

  “Max…”

  “I didn’t know this about you, Blue,” he says smiling. “You’ve got a big heart, I knew that, but I didn’t know you cried over movies.”

  “Not just movies, dog movies. It’s a weakness, a flaw, I’m working on it.”

  “Being sensitive isn’t a flaw,” he says, petting me. “Tell me you get that. You don’t have to be on all the time.”

  “Being on is all I know,” I explain. “When I have downtime I’m still on, just in a different way. Sitting still and watching movies about dogs brings out my inner baby.”

  “What about the Notebook?”

  “Ew, what about it?”

  “Does that one bust you up?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No, the woman was a mess. Which hot guy do I want? Let me string them both along and oh while I’m at it let my mother make all my decisions for me. She was selfish and needed to fight for what she wanted.” Looking up at him, I see his face get hard, and I know it is because of what I said. Shit. “Max, I’m sorry I didn’t mean—”

  “You’re right,” he says. “I know you didn’t mean anything by it, but fuck, you’re right. He doesn’t make my decisions anymore, Blue, not for a long time. I need you to believe that.”

  “I do. But it’s only because I haven’t been around. I’m back Max, this changes things.”

  “I’ll handle Hank, you pick out something else.”

  Browsing through his collection I see one of the greatest B movies of all time. My favorite, and he has it. Holy shit I haven’t seen this in years. Handing it to him, he looks at me and smiles.

  “Should have known,” he says, laughing.

  “What?”

  “Only you would pick Army of Darkness.”

  “Shop smart,” I say, all serious. “Shop S–mart.”

  “My wife has issues,” he says, hitting play.

  “Come on, Max give me a line, you can do it.”

  Leaning into me his lips grazing mine he whispers, “Gimme some sugar, baby.” And I laugh so hard that I am not able to give him his sugar for a full five minutes. After that, we each have a beer, some burgers, and e
njoy a night of old movies and each other. I don’t once think about my meeting with Duffy or getting my car. The only thing I cared about is right next to me.

  Standing in line at City Hall, it could have been in any city in any state; we didn’t care. We were getting married. She said yes without even thinking about it.

  I’m one step closer to getting her to come home; I can feel it.

  Putting a call in to a realtor I inquired about a house a mile from my loft. If it’s available I’m buying it, and told myself I’d have it finished before her time was up. When she came back she would have a home to call her own. My loft, while nice, isn’t suitable for a family, but a house will be.

  All it needs is her to make it a home.

  In all the years I’ve owned this house I’ve never once fell asleep on the couch, and in all the years of my life I have never fallen asleep watching movies. Certainly in the years I’ve been married to her we’ve never done either of the things together, and to say I’m content right now wouldn’t do what I’m feeling justice. Needing to get up but not wanting to wake her, I slowly go about untangling our bodies. When I start the process of moving her she tightens her grip on me, and fuck that feels nice. Her needing me.

  “Where you going?” she says groggily.

  “Bathroom,” I whisper, wanting her to sleep. “Coffee.”

  “Stay.”

  “Sleep.”

  “Kay.” And just like that she listens and goes right back to sleep. Fuck, but I need this woman.

  Once in the bathroom I call Duffy, letting him know we’re getting her car today, and asking when he’s due to meet her, to which he tells me to worry about me. The guy won’t give me anything. Knowing I have to allow the meeting to happen chaps my ass. I don’t want to let her go, but I have to. The only reason I’m not breaking shit over it is because I know that while she’s with him she’s protected. Since she’s the boss the meeting shouldn’t take long so she’ll be back here with me and I’d have to suck it up until then.

  After my shower I head back down to the kitchen and see her just hanging up her phone, lying on the couch with the most beautiful look on her face. “Good morning,” I say, kissing her on the cheek.